I am pretty proud of my efforts this week. I made the time to do all my workouts, didn’t sacrifice sleep, and had some pretty good workouts, if I do say so myself! I also tried to keep better track of what I did, for blog and record-keeping purposes.
Please skip to the end if you don’t care about my exercise routine for the week. I wouldn’t blame ya for it.
Monday: 20 min yoga (random Sun Salutations and Warrior II series, etc) and stretching in the morning; 35 min walk with Nina and some at-home strengthening:
(Twice through:)
Romanian deadlift, 20 lbs in each hand, 10 reps
Squats, 20 lbs in each hand, 10 reps
(Twice through:)
12 stability ball crunches
12 stability ball push-ups
(Once through:)
12 hamstring stability ball curls
12 bicycle crunches
Tuesday: 2-mile run in 20:50. Yay! First mile was 10:09. For only 20 min of exercise, it was TOUGH.
Wednesday: Cross training, 45 min hill walk with Nina
Thursday: 3-mile run. 32:35, so under 11-min/mile but I was spent after the 3. I was really trying to keep my pace at what the running experts call “comfortably hard,” I think anyway. Maybe it wasn’t all that comfortable. Then I drove over to the gym and made it about 2/3 through a full-body workout that Susan posted awhile back. Instead of 3 sets, I did 2 of each exercise. And I skipped the tri/bicep and ab stuff because I was spent/starving and ready to go home.
Friday: Rest. Oh man, my legs were SO sore. I needed a day off.
Saturday: Cross training. My legs were still sore, so I was hoping some light cardio would push out some lactic acid. That’s how it works, right? So at the gym I did 20 min elliptical, about 10 min abs, 10 min stairclimber, and 20 min of stretching and killing myself with a foam roller.
Sunday: 3.5 miles “long run” I tried to go a little slower this time, and even with “sprinting” at the end, I finished in a perfect 11-min/mile pace at 38:30. Later, I took Nina out for a 50-min hilly yet easy walk.
Looking back, I did a lot of leg stuff throughout the week. I think in my trying not to neglect my leg-strengthen exercise (like I’ve done before), I overdid the leg work a bit this week. That’s probably why my hamstrings are super sore and my hips feel tight. I think I’ll try to balance that more next week.
And now…a bit of ranting/venting/reflecting:
I’ve sorta mentioned it but sorta haven’t, but I’m gained some weight over the past few months. Basically, I’m back to where I was (at least according to the scale) before my bootcamp experience. And I’m not happy about that but I’m not surprised either, given the nature of that low-cal, high-protein, misery-making diet I was on for 3 months. Of course I lost weight doing that, but that lifestyle was not maintainable for me, and thus here we are. The jeans I bought right after the bootcamp still fit, but not quite as well.
So where am I going with this? Well, I was in a bad mood a fair amount last week, and as much as I said “I don’t know why I’m grumpy,” I knew deep down it was because I was mad at myself for my weight gain. When I was running, I kept telling myself that if I could just drop 5-10 lbs, running wouldn’t be so hard. I thought about my friends and their friends who are also doing the race, and they are all far thinner than I. I have this fear of getting left behind on training runs or race day, even though I know that’s silly. I was thinking to myself, “why am i doing this? I’m too big to run a half marathon. Big girls don’t do this.” (Now, realistically I know I’m not a “big girl” but I feel like it sometimes…always have.)
But somewhere along the line, partly due to a conversation with the boy and reading a few blog posts about this subject that of course now I can’t find, I came to the conclusion that I AM ENOUGH right now, not 5-1o pounds from now. I never lost another pound, I’m still a good person, my boyfriend will love (and be attracted to) me, and I am still capable of doing physical things. I could work hard on losing weight (again) if I really wanted to, or I could keep on keeping on, making the best choices I can, and living guilt-free. I like the second option better, tight pants be dammed.
(I might have talked about this stuff before so I’m sorry if I’m a broken record. This journey is all very “one step forward, two steps back” for me)
I like healthy food like Greek yogurt and vegetables, and I also like cookies, tortilla chips, and the occasional margarita or mojito. And maybe running is harder for me than someone 20 lbs lighter, and I’m still gosh-darn slow, but I’m out there, doing it, not giving up, trying my hardest. That’s all I would ever ask of someone else, so that’s all I’m going to ask of myself.
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hey hallie, i can relate to what you’re writing about…all i can say is that for me, the second i decided i would accept my body for whatever it wound up being when i was living/eating the way i knew i would always be able to maintain was the second the weight started falling off. i of course, had heard of all this before for years and had always chalked it up to be bull shit. but i’m telling ya, it’s for reals, and i think you have a great attitude about embracing exactly who you are right now. after all, you’re quite a beautiful person, and it’s important to remind yourself of that each and every monent of every day.
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For me, it seems that constant “struggle” I had with my weight and body image ended when I decided that I was good enough right now and not 5 lbs from now. It came in my last year of university, when all my friends were out celebrating our final year. Meanwhile, I was obsessing over what I was eating and drinking because for some reason I thought I wanted to be rail thin. Then I just made the decision that I rather be 5-10 lbs over my dream weight and get the chance to live a real life (which includes cookies!). I’ve been MUCH happier ever since
And don’t beat yourself up about your running. I’ve noticed that seasoned runners don’t care about how fast or slow you are, they’re just super excited you’re running. It’s the other ones with something to prove that scoff at pace.
Oh, and I’m sorry if my workout made your legs hurt :\ If it’s any consolation, I usually waddle for two days after leg workouts too.
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I have never written a comment on your blog, but always wanted to. I understand completely how you feel. I have been the same 152lbs for YEARS. At 5’2″, I never felt heavy, but I always knew that I USED to be thinner at some point. I am bothered most days when things just don’t “lay quite as nicely on my body” as they once did, and I tell myself that I will “just not eat carbs that day” but the next day I tend to overindulge- and I think for most women who are trying to make healthy eating a lifestyle, we tend to have those moments of overindulgence a whole lot. I fight constantly with my own weight battles and although like you, I have a boyfriend who simply adores me (even at my heaviest) I stil wonder if he truly finds me attractive; its constant: women and weight. =) You are doing something that many of us (I know I don’t do) don’t do on a consistent basis, staying active. Keep at it- I am so proud of you with the AFC marathon.. woo hoo! You are such a strong woman and all this hardwork you are doing, WILL pay off (especially in your psyche)KEEP BLOGGING- YOu always make me day with what you share.
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THREE CHEERS FOR YOU AND THIS POST! I always have issues with being heavier now. I know I put on weight for a reason. I know it is more manageable and natural for my body because it easily stays here with a balanced diet, but it is still so hard knowing where I have been not too long ago and wishing I still was that size. I completely relate. I have been caught in the I will feel better about myself when I get pregnant bec then the weight gain would have been worth it trap for so long. Thank you for sharing this today. I needed to hear it.
And for the record. You are incredibly beautiful. You are inspiring with your runs because you are doing something that challenges you, but proving to yourself and others you can do it and not to give up. You are awesome Hallie!!!!
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awesome job on your training this week! I know it seems far off now, but those longer distances really will get easier!
As usual, I understand every emotion put into this post, but I’m glad you’re getting to a place where you are happy with yourself! Regarding your half marathon fears – I think you be really surprised to see all the different sizes and shapes that will be running with you. There will definitely be lighter people (you know, the ones that look like runners) that you will pass, and there will be others that pass you (nothing like getting passed by runners 3 times your age!).
As a previous poster said, the attitude at these events is really encouraging and fun. Everybody cheers for each other. It’s great!
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I feel you….I struggled with this issue forever. We all have ideals and that perfect number that you want to see on the scale. Weight is just a number….it’s funny for me to say that being that each and every one of my posts start with my weight that day. But honestly, it’s all about how you feel. I’m happy for you that you tackled the issue and came to terms with it! Yeah for you!!
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I totally struggle with this. I always feel like I’d be happier if I weighed 10 pounds less, but the thing is, I did once weigh 10 pounds less and I was still always worried about gaining it back!
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xo xo
I so so can relate to this post and as a few others have said FOR ME it was the LOVING MYSELF AND MY FLUFF which allowed me to finally shed the fluff (and keep it at bay for 16 yrs).
its a process and you are on your way.
carla
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I love your positive vibes in this post. I think you are coming to the conclusion that your diet may not have been the best idea, even though it did work for the time being. It was similar to so many of those diets that work really well at first, but which is very hard to stick to. When you take so many carbs our of your diet you also take out water weight, so keep in mind a lot of your weight gain may be water (which isn’t necessarily healthy either, but I’m just saying….). You are lucky to have a good man who cares about you, and loves you no matter what. But most of all, you are lucky to have a strong willpower to succeed and to love yourself no matter what. You are going to kick BUTT in that race! Even if you do get behind, it’s an accomplishment either way.
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I loved this post because you wrote about it not being about the weight but about being healthy. I’ve wanted to lose the same 20 pounds for a while now. I also struggle with running (more because of my asthma than being overweight, actually), and I’m really slow. And some days I’m super slow. But I do it! And it’s more than other people do! Good for us. For real.
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